I’ve really been struggling with writing this second post. Like, a lot. For a few weeks. I keep making excuses for myself couched in ‘self care’ language – it’s ok to take a break, I don’t have to rush and do everything all at once, I’m progressing in other areas so just take a little bit time to relax… and so on.
But it’s not getting done. I’m even sitting here writing this wondering whether or not I’ll actually post it. Earlier I was listening to You are a Badass, which I love – it’s really practical and positive but without being obnoxious. It was interesting that one of the things Jen Sincero suggests concentrating on is when you stop a new project. Like generally, what stage do you get to when you give up or think something’s too hard to keep going? Or get distracted? Or convince yourself that the 15 million reasons your brain/friends/family have told you it might not work are true?
And yep, here it is. This is my stage – the ‘I’ve started it a little bit… I mean, I’m at least 20-30% into it so now I’ll relax..’ This blog is a perfect example, a petri dish of motivational factors to experiment with. And what have I found? I start things but… kinda not really. I stop before I ACTUALLY, REALLY get into them. And it’s stopping me from achieving any actual success or results. I feel like I’m getting somewhere because I’ve started whatever it is – put it out there, took steps 1-2 to get it off the ground, but then I get to step 3 and…. nothing. I just bask in the excitement of starting stuff. It’s never a massive ‘I QUIT!’ moment – I never get that far – but it’s a fizzling out. A slow build up of putting things off and then piling more and more and more other (generally newer) things on top until I can’t even remember why I wanted to do whatever the thing was in the first place.
I can see it showing up all over the place now that I’m looking. I think part of it links to perfectionism and not wanting to do something unless it’s perfect. But the irony is that I look at other things people have put out there and think how cool it is that they’re putting it out there, even if they’re not perfect. So why don’t I apply that to myself?
The irony is that success, it seems, demands imperfection. Being genuinely successful necessitates putting things out there before they’re ‘finished’ or ‘ready’ – whatever that means. So I’m posting this before I’m ready and before its what I would ordinarily consider ‘finished’ in an effort to move towards success, one imperfect step at a time. Eek! Here it goes….